*Lovely Legs*

'Why did God create man?...Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!'

Ok, then...what a weekend. Some of the ladies headed to Halifax on Satuday, and had a cool nite, although apparantly Whalley's boyfriend Neil cut himself badly on some glass...hope your ok Neil!

Now then...semi final and St Pats parade. Well, myself, Joanna, Jodie and Justine got absolutly Pi55 wet through at Leeds Road.  Nice to see that it didnt only rain, but hailed too! Marvellous! Four soaking wet ladies ran accross the pitch to get into the shelter, but may as well not have bothered, cos they were still wet hours later!

Naturally, the IC was the destination of the day...plenty of alcohol slipped down...and a good night was had by everyone. The lads were pi55ed, but so were the girls, and dancing, singing, bagpipes, a band....made the night one to be remembered! Foe those who dont know, the boys won on Sunday, and so did Meltham. That means a Final is on between the two biggest rivals...wonderful...get your tape measures out, so we can stand in the middle, supporting both... There isnt much else to say about the weekend...other than that some guys were slightly over excited, and turned on their mates with acts of un-neccessary violence, some guys had a fight outside IC (isnt there always?) & everyone is goint o be out for next weekends St Patrick' s Eve and Day! See u all there!

LIPS OF THE WEEK- althoughit kills me to have to give this awars to this guy, Brendan Shanahan is this weeks Lips. Accompanied to the game & IC by the lovely Justine, Bren seemed very happy with his new doris, and who knowa whatmore will come of this love affair! Keep us informed Bren!

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Ok, I'm fully aware that my page is turning into a 'cut and paste' affair, yet I feel that the issues that have been covered on *Lovely Legs* and also on the news (see news/homepage) are things that should be brought to attention and seen by our ladies and readers. They're meant to be amusing, so laugh a little!

Now then...pressing matter of business.....GOSSIP! is there any? Well I guess there must be something worth writing about...mmmm...ah yes....This sunday (10th March) is not just Mother's Day (go out and buy cards and flowers quick!), it is the ST Patrick's Day Parade! Apparantly, we no longer have the right to call ourselves the IC Doris, down to some mysterious copy right thing they got us for! So, i guess that we shouldnt enjoy the festivities....B*ll*cks! Everyone is welcomed and invited to get absolutly mashed at the IC on Sunday. During the day, the lads have a semi final game, but guess what else, so do our excellent mates at Meltham, but what makes it even better, is that both semi-finals, are being played at Leeds Road! Looks like any support could end up being split between these two rival teams, let me see....who's going to lose their heads???

Whatever happens, good luck to both teams in the semi's!

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Top 10 things men would do if they had a vagina

         9.  Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

         8.  See if they could finally do splits.

         7.  See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

         6.  Cross their legs without rearranging.

         5.  Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.

         4.  Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

         3.  Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded

             on video.   

         2.  Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

             and,

         the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina .

         1.  Finally find that damned G-spot.!!!!!

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Ok, I'm fully aware that this type of material may not be appreciated by all readers, but s*d it!!!!! Hope the ladies sit back and laugh, and that the lads, well, learn to understand!!!

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I know that we've all probably seen these,when browsing on the piccy thing, but for those not fortunate to have witnessed these 'alternative' road signs, its time for you to re-take your highway code! (I know this is more of a 'man' thing,but we can all enjoy it!

Although a little sad, and pathetic, please read and SMILE

I'll put on an update when i can be bothered

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Looks like us girls trying to build bridges between ourselves and the meltham lot, is not been welcomed by our good and LOYAL mates at the IC. If you read intheteam.com/irishcentre, and go to 'Giggsy's Dinner', you will see that oh no, he's lost his head, as the been nice to meltham thing, is, and I quote, "dying on its arse". A little bitterness coming through Mr Clarke? Come on now, We are all just friends and these pages reflect what we want to put up there. We're not claiming to be best mates with meltham, just that the guys we've met and chatted to seem nice and not at all what most of you (not all) made them out to be!

You want to defend people, and write about football and well, whatever it is you write about,( when you can be arsed), and us here at the FALIRAKI DORIS site, just write about a load of cr@p and spend time suffering abuse for no apparant reason. Im not saying you, or any of the other chaps are taking sides, we never said that, its just we do expect a little support, in particular from the people who we've known for ages! This war has begun my friends, I for-see it  lasting a while, or at least until Clarkey's head finds its way back to his shoulders!

Ciao for now amigos

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Wednesday Night Review

Some of the ladies decided to brave the arctic weather and freezing temperatures last night and headed into town for the evening. It snowed and rained most of the night, so taxi's were a must between every destination! Traditionally Wetherspoons kicked off the night, then when we all finally met, Varsity proved to be the usual £1 in, £1 a drink happy place we all love! Then after being joined by a few of the lads who dared to come out and get their doo's wet, the MELTHAM BOYS came down after some birhtday meal or whatever...although being consatntly warned off them, I've found the Meltham boys to be alright lads (especially the ones who ive known a while) and that they're a good laugh. Thanx to Richard Hanvey for my drink, although Ive got no idea why he bought it me, thanx to our own Donal for the drink, again, no clue why I got it, and again, thanx for that final bottle of VK, although not initially intended for myself and Roseann, ( I shall not cause more upset, ask to find out if you wanna know more!) they all contributed to a good old fashioned drunken night!

HOTSHOTS was our next target, then of course, VISAGE and ETHOS. All 3 were quite, but we had a good time, dancing the night away. The production people came down to join us, and so it seemd that most of New College was on Ethos dancefloor at one point. Then Lizzie Wells managed to almost cause a fight...cos a guy wouldnt take no for an answer, I felt like passsing out the whole time, cos it was sooooo warm, and everyone else had a good night (I think!)

The end of the night brought more rain and clouds, a major fight in the middle of the road outside vis, wittnessed by many, then several of us going to PLANET SPICE for takeaways and taxi's home. WARNING: Do not eat burgers from planet spice, mine decided to keep me company for most of the evening! I assume the curry's are ok, just keep away from the burgers!!!  Simon and Roseann seemed close, yet NOTHING happened, other than friends (I was trying, but there's little gossip to write about) The night was generally pretty good, see you all next week? same time, same place?

( I would like to say a special Hello, to all the MELTHAM TEAM who were out on Wednesday, we appreciate you deleting all that cr@p off your guestbook about us, and we'll keep all our abuse to our site, if people who want to insult us do the same. You all seem to get bad press, but I really don't see why, you seem like nice enough chaps and everyone should make the effort to get along and be friends. I know this opinion is a shared one, by many of the ladies)

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OK, now then...what has been goimg on this half term? A lot of insults have flown accross 3 websites, this one, Meltham and the IC. These insults have been very nasty, manipulative and completly inaccurate. No one knows who really wrote the first one, but it was very much 'an unprovoked attack', and was ofcourse attacked back in the form of defence form many of the ladies (nothing to do with me, and no one is really sure who did write back)

These insults were uncalled for, and were erased from 2 of the 3 guestbooks (if you want to know what was originally said, intheteam.com/meltham will tell you all) The remarks were pathetic, immature and all together a load of B*LL*cks. Fair enough, guestbooks are there to put accross personal opinions and stuff, but what was written was way out of line. No person has any right to speak about someone they hardly know in that way, if your opinion is so bad of someone, keep it to yourself! Why try and make us look bad infront of so many people? What's the point? Anyone who knows us already, or who meets us will soon find out the truth!

As I said, no one really knows who wrote the comments, and if anyone who was not to blame was in anyway offended etc, then sorry (but false accusations do happen) yet this IS NOT an apology to those who really wrote it. Rumours form persons who shall remain anonomous informed us of whom it was, and that is where the war started and where the defence tactics began.

 I havent got any more info on the subject, and would rather it wasnt brought up again, unless the culprits want to own up publicly...go ahead, but you've got to realise there is no smoke without fire, and whoever it was will be discovered and made to pay!

The ladies of 'FaklirakiDoris' do not take kindly to inappropriate insults, they can have a laugh like anyone else, but some times the line is crossed, this one was polvotted over.

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After the events of the weekend, another night out on the town, this time Huddersfield, was had by the girls, this time for Sally's 18th. '7.30 for 8', were Sally's intructions, so myself, Rachel R and Lucy G met at 7.30 in Wetherspoons, all was going well, we met up with a couple of the lads, had a few drinks, then the suggestion of AFTERSHOCK came, the night continued, When Sal eveventually arrived (looking gorgeous as ever) she wasnt drinking that much, cos she was recovering from the night before!!! DOH! The rest of us were all drinking and it didnt take long for the ladies to relax...The Rock Cafe, prooved to be a good stopping off point, with £1 in, £1 a drink, then the short TAXI ride to Varsity. Met up with some of the chaps again...the usual laughs were had, also appearences by other 'aquaintances', then we all decided to hit Vis/Ethos.

After aiding a rather sick friend, the night turned out pretty well. No one was shafted, and dancing and drinking continued without Sally's presence (yet again). I ended up in Ethos with a couple of the ladies and Richard Webster, then the ladies disappeared nad it was me and Richard, then I was ambushed, and made 'friends' with a few of the Meltham lads...They seem ok, and so I apologise for any embarrassing behaviour, past or present, from any of the ladies youm may have encounted so far!

 After Vis, the walk up to town proved to be most interesting, particularly as Brendan was practically carried up (by myself cos im strong, yeh right) and then started dancing in front of Planet Spice, we finished off at Sizzlers, then went home to beddy byes!

LIPS OF THE WEEK go to, just about everyone!!!! whether in bricks or not, going with some one or not, You all deserve it!

Just to keep my good name, I didnt go with any of them, or anyone else, whoever that funny d*ckhead was who wrote that on the IC guestbook, and next time, leave your name if you're going to call me a sl@g and if you're going to try and make up stuff about me or anyone else, do it on OUR guestbook!

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Well, here we go..what a night was had on Sat by all the ladies who scraped out for Whalley's 18th in Halifax!  The ladies line up included of Course Whalley, myself, Cath, Jo, Dawn, Rach R, Sally, Natalie, Lucy G and Sky. Rachael K, Nina and Sinead were all too sick to get their arses out, so we forgot about them and had a great nite anyway! Others that popped in for a few drinks were Roseann and Leanne, (accompanied by Carly and Aimee) before heading off to an all nighter at the Corn Mill.

Before even heading out of Whally's door, champaign was knocked back (it had to be, you'll understand if u were there) and light refreshements were nibbled. Then we trecked to Wetherspoons, drinks came and so did the birthday singing and the party poppers, we left soon after. Then Bar 11, a short but well apreciated stop before Bar Baracuda! COCKTAIL TIME, this bar was definatly a memorable place, the dance floor was taken over by the ladies (who tried to avoid the huge amount of Lesbians) and we all wanted to get up on the bar and dance along with the girls in lilac licra- NOT-  The night continued with a lot of drinking, then on the way to the Collasium, a number of ladies took an interesting trip, in a police van (see news). The Colly was great, although Sally and Natalie shafted us half way through the night!!! Never mind, maybe you'll learn to handle that booze one day girlies.

Finally, getting back to whalleys, we all began eating mini cheesecakes and pizza, after several interesting events at the take away, mostly including Cath. After settling down for the nigh, eventually getting to sleppo, several awoke to the wonderful sound of regurgatated vomit, NICE...I shall not reveal from who, to keep as much dignity as possible!

LIPS OF THE WEEK go to Miss Dawn Carson, for the fella she pulled in the Colly, not a bad looker Dawn, not sure whether he's got onto the Mingers List yet though! This lady has a knack for pulling wherever she goes. She also seems to have a fetish for the name PAUL, was this one another Paul to add to the list? Who knows! Anyway, a top lass, with top pulling power! Keep goiing hun!

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This Satuday evening see's the ladies scraping to Halifax for Lucy Whalley's birthady celebrations. After the weekend, I can guarantee, there will be gossip to read!

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Well, Valentine's Day came, and now it has disappeared until next year (Friday February 14th 2003). But as we say good bye to the cupids, hearts and chocolates there are a few outstanding awards and comments to be made. I feel it is now the right time and place to make judgement on everyones Valentines day.

 Sinead and Ben, although so far apart, they were still together, thinking of eachother and talking on the phone!

Rachael and Alex, traditional meal cooked by Al, (Jamie Oliver would have been proud) and a nice evening in, nice and romatic for the modern 'Brick'.

Whalley and Neil. Did Neil and Alex get together to make their plans? Whalley also had a meal, it obviously went well as she was still standind in college today!

Rachel R and Avron. What can I say? I havent had chance to speak to the bird and havnt got a clue about their Valentines (fill me in, you may deserve more hearts)

Jo and keady. Well...I saw Keady buying his present, and Jo told me what she got him, I wonder if they had fun? Sure;y this couple are the ultimate 'Brick' and they dont need Valentines day to say 'I love you'  ("it just exploits people for money" keady)

 Leanne and Andy. Again, having no conatct with her, she's only going to get three hearts till I hear what happened, what she got etc.

Sarah and Rob (now I know his name!) well, the pressie sounded cute, yep, a Tigger teddy! And they spent the evening in front of the tele (or so they say!) Although only just cemented, the mortar is drying and this could be another 'brick' in the wall of the house.

Julia and Andrew. Immediatly getting five hearts cos he sent her Three cards!!! What a guy! They had nice evening in (couldnt afford to take her out as he'd spent up  in Clintons) She was smiling today, so I'm not sure what else happened, we'lll keep it  a secret yeh Jules? (although I know a teddy was involved in their somewhere!)

Katie and Mervin. No info from anyone, fill us in to be awarded!!!

 Sally. This bird is single, but gorgeous, I reckon she must have got cards, but have no proof till chatting at the weekend, we could be addng hearts or taking them away!

   Cath, obviously returned from Afghanistan unharmed, as she was also in college, not sure about the cards and stuff though, she's kept quite, I'm sure something will slip aftyer the night on the p*ss!

   Lucy and Clarkey. Their first ever Valentines day!!! ahhhh! He decide she neede to smell better and splashed out on perfume, and she tried to make a sneaky surprise, failing miserably! Another romantic evening infront of the tele.

 Roseann.If this bird was as miserable as she made out she'd be, it certainly didnt show. She was happy all day, dispite no cards arriving n the morning post, we all had fingers and toes crossed for the evening mail!

Nina. well she has gained an amazingly romantic boyfriend who suprized her with a red and white rose and a card along with some v.expensive perfume and an incedibly cute teddy! very inpresive.

Dawn. If you live near dawn and didnt see your postman on thurs, it was because she had exactly 100 cards delivered through her door, and he was so tierd she had to take him to the HRH on her way to coll.

Lucy G. This lady, smiling as always, may not have got a card from the man of her dreams, but may get the love if meeting a sexy man in Halifax on Sat evening.

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Valentine's Day...2 days to go...

 Back to the Romance terms this week, what can be said about the position of love lives everywhere? Well, all couples are still bricks (as far as Im aware), and Valentine's Day will be a day that proves more than just love...DEDICATION & COMMITMENT these two words appear to be feared by the majority of the male species, however, when u read the definition Ive just discovered in my Oxford Pocket Dictionary, I guess we can begin to understand why.

'Commit' verb (-tt-) do or make (crime, blunder etc.); (usually + to) entrust, consign; send (person) to prison; pledge or bind (esp oneself) to policy or course of action; (as commited adjective) (often + do) dedicated, obliged

when you read the prison bit its hardly surprising the poor pathetic loves have the severe medical condition, of Commitment Phobia! I can think of certain lads we know in particular, but lets not get nasty, names will not be disclosed, but, I'm sure you are all aware of whome we speak.

Now then.....how I will be awarding the ladies with a number of     These will be awarded for effort, thoughtfullness, response (to possible unappreciated gifts), and general affection on the day (or whenever the couple get it together) Im not intending to discriminated against those who are single, you'll all be included! The awarded hearts will go in respomnse to how each lady (single or attatched) spent the day, what she did, (laugh or cry?) etc.....results after Feb 14th.

I have also decided to give a regular weekly award. This will start as just one award per week, with a little description of who, why and how the person deserved it....It will be 'LIPS OF THE WEEK' (this will be a regular feature and will be marked by the humungus, Kissing Lips.

This week...the award will go to Mr John Paul Kitterick! All of you who attended 'Stars in their eyes' this Saturday, were as stunned as I was to see Jonny re-kindling his old love with Stacey Cross! Not content with a quickie in Warehouse (we're still talking kissing!), Jonny deserted the lads and lasses at the end of the evning and wasnt seen again until Sunday at the IC match! No-one but Jonny could say what really happened, but as he said to me earlier this week, "I was so Mashed." That, I believe says it all.

Close contenders for the 'lips of the week' would have had to have been Quinny (stunning siger, Carly) and Matty (we all know who, but he 'didnt go with her!' OK Matt, whatever you say huney!!!                                                                                        

What a weekend...! Our darling Matthew Tattersly was 'magically' transformed into a magnificant Robbie Williams, and he belted out a fantastic rendition of the all time classic, 'Angels'. Those lucky enough to experience the voice of Tatts were stunned and silenced for seconds...then the rest of the lads, Alex, Keady, Jonny, McGowan, Clarkey, Adam etc all joined in, just for effect...ultimate crowd satisfaction! Unfortunatly, our own Robster was beaten by the  'Minging Mariah' and a 'Freaky Frank Sinatra', but never mind Matt, you were still number one in the place it mattered...Rachael K's heart! (look out Al!)

After departing from the IC, (ok...Keady practically threw us out cos it was nearly five past twelve...) we made the treck to Warehouse, not a bad night, although we lost Jonny on the way home,(wonder if Nora met Stacey.......?) and I lost a bet with Quinny (had to buy him a drink,he pulled the 'Sensational Singing Doris'!)  

Next Saturday see's Lucy Whalley turn 18, and a large number(very large) of ladies trecking to Halifax for the festivities, numbers and names are not yet confirmed, but ive no doubts the night will be fantastic. The review of the night and most of anything remotly uninteresting will be publicised by myself as I see fit.

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 Keep popping in to read Valentine's day updates!

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A few reasons its great to be a girl.

• Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

• Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

• Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

• Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

• Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

• Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower.

• After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

• Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.

• If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

A few reasons its great to be a guy.

• One mood, all the time

• Those chairs by the waiting room at lingerie shops are for you

• Guys in hockey masks don't attack you

• You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go

• You can still get away with MAKING a Valentine's day card

• You can go to the bathroom without a support group

• You can kill your own food

• The garage is all yours

• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

• Your virginity is never 'taken' away. You'd gladly give it to anyone that asks.

• Father-in-laws are sweet older men. Mother in laws are nasty old bitches.

• You know at least twenty ways to open a beer bottle

• You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing

• Same work...more pay!

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The countdown Continues...7 days to go

For today, please allow me to quote Miss Lucy Whalley...earlier she said to me..."Valentine's Day is meant to be about cute, simple stuff, like teddies...''  Well... that well and truely p*ssed on my fire didnt it? Me wittering on about the most 'unusual/best gift/card' seems a little inappropriate to everyone. I must say that I agree with Whalley...Valentine's Day is about showing affection to the  person (or people) you care about...so now we are just concentrating on the most romatic thought, and present. (im not trying to make the ladies sound materialistic either!)

Love is in the air...

As it's Wednesday...few of the girlies are scraping to town...they're saving every penny for those all important cards and pressies! After conversations i think Damo is still trying to find true love before the big day...and he's going out AGAIN! Good luck to the lad...and all those poor lases!

Got a few little joke/stories for you to enjoy!

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince. Then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!" ******************************************************************************************************************************************* 

Valentine's Day Countdown...8 days and counting...

Had an interesting thought about Valentine's Day, as many of the lads and lasses are in bricks...how many cards/presents do they expect? Will they simply be satisfied with one card/present from their beloved? Or will they all be secretly wanting those 'secret admirers' to drop a card/present their way? Will jealousy over come, and huge fights break out between couples? Will the Bricks survive the festivities?  Mystery cards scented with too much aftershave/perfume may be the crumbling of even the most cemented brcks!

All this is mind...here are the predictions for the season of the 'Love Bug'

Sinead-  will attempt to seduce Ben with a romantic meal...as she is about as talented in the kitchen as a Lama, u can imagine the concequences! After Sinead laughing hysterically for ten minutes and Ben getting the fire brigade out to check the place over, all hopes of eating are well and truely destroyed. They settle for a good sesh between the sheets!

Rachael K- thinks long and hard about what to get Alex...the trouble is, he doesnt think the same way, and settles for Thorntons chocs...it doesnt go dowm well, they spend the night on opposite sides of the bed! (Rach wakes up with rage and is still so p*ssed off at Alex that she kicks him the rest of the way out of bed...he spends the night on the floor with no blanket as punishment!)

Whalley- opts for a cosy meal with Neil and her parents! Wahlley & mum  cook, while her dad tries to distract Neil from any thoughts of proposal or marriage during their pre-meal chat. Lucy ends up crying when Neil says he can't propse! Neil & whalley dont even spend the night in the same house!

Rachel R- after arguing and giving bad eyes to Avron's 'mates' Rachel finally manages to get him on his own for a nice romatic evening...sounds good? Well it is, untill Avron finds the playstation and sepnds all night slagging off Leeds...Rach loses her head...she gets the bed, Avron gets the sofa...but he's not bothered cos he can share it with the playstation and Championship manager!

Jo- Keady takes so long driving them to the romatic restaurant he booked 3 weeks ago that it's closed by the time they get there! They have to find somewhere to go (tonights the only night Jo's mum could babysit the kids!), in sheer desperation they decide on a trip to the IC for a bevy, before making another decision. Jo gets p*ssed on Vodka & Bailey's and isnt fit to be taken anywhere else other than Bed! Poor Keady also ends up on the sofa, as Jo is sooo drunk she wont let him into bed!

Leanne- as she isnt a traditionalist, Leanne opts for a daring sexual adventure...by taking Andy for a naked bugi-jump off Scamandon Damn! The temperature is so low that Any freezes his b*ll*cks off, and becomes infertile! Leanne is distraught but vows to love him forever...leaving Andy recovering in intensive care she rings round the girls and goes to Vis.

Sarah- Again, this lady does nothing close to tradition. She wants some serious fun and asks the Uni fella to perform her all time sexual fantasy by dressing up as Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, and bouncing around on his tail! All seems to be going well until the zip gets stuck in a very awkward position...not having a clue of how to use a pair of scissors, Sarah attempts to cut him out, but slips and semi-castrates the poor guy...he meets up with Leanne's Andy in Accident & Emergency!

Julia- our dark horse, whisks Andrew away for a dirty weekend, thing is she left planning to the last minute and instead of the *****star hotel in London...they end up in a cheap B&B in Bogna...never mind Jules...its the thought that counts...and who cares where you are as long as your together!

Katie- Miss Del thinks she's got Merv the best gift ever, from one of her dodgy suppliers...its due to be delivered to his door on Valentine's morning...she so excited that she rings him to see if he liked his gift...he doesnt sound overlly impressed and when Katie goes round later she sees why...her 'mates' had delivered 100 'long & lean valentine's day special' vibrators, 50 pairs of red furry handcuffs, 60 his & hers matching leather suits (& whips etc!) and a crate full of body chocolate! Not knowing what to do with all the stuff, Katie sets to work, trying to make the best out of a bad situation, she starts ringing round the girls offering them her 'excess' stock! (she keeps all the body choc, 4 pairs of the handcuffs, 2 suits and 5 vibartors- just in case!)

Sally- after swallowing love pills from that dodgy shop on the high street, Sal gets dolled up for a night on the town...looking like a very sexy lady as she leaves the house...the night is looking good, until she meets up with Cath in Varsity, where the Aftershocks and Vodkas slide down very easily...Sal doesnt make Vis...in fact she doesnt even make it home, and spends the night in the back alley where all the men 'releive themselves' behind Warehouse! She wakes in the morning stinking of p*ss and her own vomit...another successfull night out Sal?

Cath- suspecting in advance that know one will send her a card, she rings a florist and sends herself 10 red roses to cheer herself up. Feeling very sorry for herself...she decides on a night proping up Varsity bar, (she attempted Sharkey's but left her passport at home!) here she meets up with Sal...gets smashed and leaves with some random guy, going to Vis...she gets fcked and cant remeber a thing the next morning...she wakes up in Afghanistan...'who are you?' she ask's? 'Osamah' comes the cheerful reply! Cath takes hold of the situation and starts crying. She tries to ring Rachael K with her last 12p on her phone...all it can master is to one bell Rach back home...Rach doesnt ring back. Cath is stranded and becomes the new leader of the Taliban religious order after Osamah tells her she can no-longer preach Catholisisim in his country, she is allowed to keep her beard so she happily agrees to stay. James Martin is so devastated at hearing the news about Cath, he becomes a monk (in memory of Cath's first religion) and claims he will stay celebate till she returns! (whatever...!)

Lucy P- Thinking her first Valentine's day with Clarkey will be the best ever, she plans the whole evening...secretly (a nice meal, fine champagne, the lot). One problem...Clarkey couldn't find the right time to explain how much he really wanted to go to that Man U game...oh dear...she loses her head...He almost loses his as she throws a plate, then two cups, a saucer and a vry sharp knife, missing him by millimertres...He then has to break the news that the band have to go on tour at the weekend for two months...Not surprisingly Clarkey doesn't make the game or the gig. He joins Andy and Sarah's fella in A&E.

Roseann- After deciding that Valentine's day was cancelled cos she was single...then pulling 3 fella's in one night, its all back on! The question is which one will she chose to go out with? After recieving several invites, one from each of the fellas, and one of course from her 'mate' John T, she decides to get dolled up....and live up to her nickname...Up 4 it! She scrapes down Vis for the night and pulls several more fellas...proving that you dont have to be in a brick to enjoy Valentine's day!

Nina- After her bad luck with men...Ben finally gets it right...well sort of. He manages the card and even the present...thing is, they got delivered that morning. He goes for an after work drink with the lads and gets so p*ssed he cant get up the stairs (let alone get anything else up!) Nina is so mad that she used her secret ninja skills, throws Ben to the floor, runs up stairs to change out of her sexy nickers and suspenders, and into her Vis stuff...just in time to make the last bus down to town! She returns later to find Ben still unconscious on her hall floor-she steps over him, next morning Cloe throws up all over him.

Dawn- dirty Dawn heads off to meet those favourite fella's down in Vis (including Mr Paul Rogers..natuarally)...she cant resist...goes with them all, and promises them all to go home with them at the end of the night...hoping that they'll all forget...she drinks soooo much that she  forgets...she waves Cath off in a taxi with Osamah, then dives into her own taxi leaving 3 guys fighting over who should be going with her outside Vis. All 3 get arrested & spend the night in cells. They decide women aren't worth it and became a gay 3-some & try to open a gay bar in Soho.

Lucy G- 'the silent ones are the worst'...and this one is BAD. Still missing the guy she met in Wakefield on Rachel R's birthday she sets off to Waky to find him armed with a bottle of Moet & Chardonne and a single red rose that she accidently sat on, dressed in her sunady best...she finds him in a bar...he propses and they jump on atrain to Gretna Green and get married that night.What will her mother say?!

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Valentine's Day Countdown continues...9 days to go...

 Well....love is most definatly in the air at the moment...only 9 vital thinking and shopping days to go be for the big day of Love arrives once again. Although Ive over heard the ladies thoughts and ideas in passing converstaion...I ahvent yet heard the words of 'that day' mentioned by ANY of the lads...its not looking good! According to Roseann erlier in the week, Valentine's Day is officially CANCELLED...so she thinks...just because she isnt in a brick (but pulled 3 times on Sat!)...some people are never satisfied! I would like to say, its NOT cancelled, and the competiton is still on!

For the Traditional Valentine's at heart...here's the little rhyme that is undoubtably scralled inside all those cards...

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so are you!

Makes you sick eh? Well...each to their own, you want tradition, there it is. As you read Im attempting to find alterior variations of this classic...keep dropping in to see whats going on...

Wed 13th feb will be Valentine's Vis/Warehouse/Camel-Club

Definatly worth a scrape!

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This week saw Miss 'Starry' Sky Burton turn 18...and a fanatstic party to celebrate was held in the 'sticks' in Slaithwaite. The night was filled with all sorts...attended by many of the lads and ladies the night went well, with some venturing back out of the wilderness to Town and to Warehouse or Visage, and others like myself heading home. Lessons were learned through the experience of having Cashel McGowan at your house as he continously shouted 'BOOBIES'  (his level of maturity decreasing by the day) at the top of his voice all night while the rest of us attempted to get some sleep...(honest....don't ever beleive rumours from McGowan!) I dont know how Jodie puts up with him...I'd give her the gold, silver nad bronze medal for putting up ewith the 'adorable' guy for so long. I would also refer her to a mental health specialist!

The party was generally a success......appearances were made by Whalley (acompanied as ever by hubbie Neil), Bush (unusally acompanied by Carly), Rachael K (& Alex...natuarlly) Jo (& who else...?), Cath (&...errrrr...did she bring a disciple?), Myself (& Clarkey ofcourse!), Roseann and Dawn attended together, speculation allowing for the possiblities of homosxual realtions? We'll say no more!!! (before they lose their heads!)  Loads of college goers attended, some we knew, some we didnt but the bucket loiads of coctails madi it easy (very easy) for everyone to get along and join in the dancing!

After not recieving any votes on Web, ive decided to take Damo's approach and award prizes to those who I think deserve them!

Dacing Queen - Laura Branston (Bobby's bird- I shall say no more)

Doo of the week - tough call, Rachael K & Katie get joint prize

Party Of the week - only one party, only one winner Sky

Alcoholic female of the week - again, tough call...everyone was p*ssed!

Alcoholic male of the week - Brendan Shanahan (u all saw his dancing!)

Next week perhaps the results will be more interesting...comments on guestbook please!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

*RED ALERT*RED ALERT*RED ALERT*RED ALERT*RED ALERT*RED ALERT*

 Valentine's day countdown...14 days to go...

Today is February 1st...beginig the 2 week countdown to the all time 'day of love'. On February 14th...romantics everywhere will be buying presents for their loved ones (and for those singletons...never mind...u might just get lucky and get a secret admirer!) As Fridat signals the countdown I've decided to run a competition...to see who can give/receive the best/worst valentine's card/gift!   This involves all the ladies and the lads (so if you're reading take note) and will be awarded after the big day...around Feb 15/16. 

EVERYONE is required to (and will be included) take part...u actually have no choice...

The competition will be fair and simple...the rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES! Be as daring and adventurous as you can be...anything goes...remeber Valentine's Day isn't just about stupid shaped chocolates from Thornton's, or giant cuddly toys from Clinton's (although of course individuality makes the world!) This also includes cards...so u can send them in secret and we'll print he contents....simple! I'm expecting a wide range of 'interesting' gifts & gestures..so please don't dissapoint! 

Places you're all fighting for are;

-Best recieved gift

-Best given gift

-Most romatic gesture

-Most exotic/unusual gift/gesture

(Runner up prises will be given to tose with good intentions...and good/bad attempts...Good luck kiddies!!!!!!!!!)

I also thought that I'd start a regular little slot for 'different' verses associated with the big day...here's one that no doubt everyone's seen in Ann Summer's window:

Roses are red

Violets are Blue

Lets go to bed

And try something new!

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I know the week hasn't finished yet...but I have a few moments to spare to reflect on the week so far...so much has happened...I think!!! (ok...I admit it...nothing much has happened...I'M JUST BORED)

Monday & Tuesday brought little more than the usual begining of the wek stuff...basic cr@p!!! Wednesday evening some of the girls went to Leeds...and by looking @ the state of them this morning...they had a good time, with plenty of the sweet water we call VODKA!!! I must say I wasnt expecting to see any of the merry bunch till lunchtime...but Rachel, Cath & Whalley were in bright and early @9am!!!!  Total madness!!!  Dont think anyone ventured to Vis other than the lads...so I doubt there would be much of interest to talk about there! (well....I did hear a tale...but I'm not one for publicising gossip on the internet...not till I have the full story anyway!

Just a quick note...On Sat February 9th, there is a 'Stars in their eyes' competition at the IC...its to raise money for the St.Patrik's day parade and will be a laugh...please attend! I also told Nora that I'd go along...and the more the merrier (especially at those bar prices!) It starts about 7/8, and I think Matty was going to do a tribute to Robbie Williams - that's NOT to be Misssed! I doubt it will go on that late...so those who want to can still go to the party at the Papparazi later on!

I now have nothing of much concequence to write about...Hang on...this idea maybe a stollen one...from Damo or whoever...but I think its time to be able to give our own awards...these willnot be biased in any way, shape or form (unlike certain award presenters we all know) I think I'll make a list of five categories on a thursday...then allow a voting time of 4 days....for views to be posted on guestbook...then add up the scores and present the awards to those who truely deserve them...in the opinion of webpage readers.

So, Categories for this week, begining Thursday 31st Jan 2002, to be awarded Sunday 3rd Feb.

The weeks best dressed lady:

The weeks worst dressed fella:

The weeks best event:

The weeks top drinker:

The weeks most controvertial event:

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OK then...another week has passed us by, so...what's been going on then?   Another I.C lad came of age (Miles), another one split with his bird (Quinny & Mel) and several got absolutly ratted on Sat night!!! But lets forget them for a mo.  The ladies have had a pretty quite week...no parties to go to...and little cash to go anywhere else!!! Although a possy is due to be making the treck to Leeds on Wednesday evening in belated celebration for Lucy G's 18th...hope it all goes well- plenty of vodlka and vigorous dancing!  I have little else of great imporatnce to discuss at present, but here is an intertesting thought for the menstruarting among us!

And for those of us who don't appreciate the above quote...tough! This is my page and i'll write what the hell I want. Now...to more interesting matters of bussiness...This Saturady evening is Sky's 18th birthday party and she wants everyone who can attend to attend...I'm aware that everyone has a ful set of directions and timetables so if you're not going, make sure it's a good excuse! The night shoud be good, with a cheap bar, intersting entertainment and...and...a sparkly theme!!!! If anyone has problems about getting home, there are several houses available, apparantly offering BED & BREAKFAST facilities (please enquire for details) ...take advantage and make Sky have a fab party!!!!

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Well, well, and exciting weekend! What more can be said about Adam Bell's 18th suprise party at the IC on Sat night. Poor love actually thought he was out for a banging night in Leeds, and ended up in the club (well for about an hour and a half) before being taken home by mummy and daddy Bell. BLESS. Serves him right for being a Smirnoff boy in my personal opinion, but never mind!!! The party proceeded to be the ususal amounts of drinking and dancing combination that exauts at all such functions, however, I was sad to see that few of the ladies ventured out to the traditional location of our lads, the night was generally good, with there been a split in final destinations- Vis, Warehouse and Camel.

What else can be said, other than the presence of certain girls managed to create a stir among the faliraki lot, confrontations were avoided, until the aftermath, in the street, when several police vans arrived. DONT PANIC! None of our girls were carted off, although perhaps should have been, for the 'Drunk and Disorderly' charge that would match an E-fit to most of the group. The disturbance wasnt a creation of anyone conected to either the IC or the ladies.

For the time being, there is little else of interest to mention, Cya.

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More detailed update when I can be bothered.

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May I say HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone who happens to be reading, and to those who aren't, cos I'm sure they hada good one anyway!

I finally thought it was time for those rather 'taseful' jokes to be removed and replaced with something a little more, lets say interesting...if that could be possible with our lives being about as exciting as an IC footie match! (No offence intended to the lads!)

So then, what can I say? Well, the new year kicked off with a brilliant night out! Not many of the ladies were in attendance, but those who were thouroughly enjoyed the evening, with more than one encounter with our favourite lads from the IC. Only mentioning one of the ladies in question, Miss Joyce!!!

Anyway, it was a quality night out, good music, a lot of laughs and gallons of our favourite booze (in particular I'd say Vodka was most popular!) Althouh we all ended up spliting after the Blob, some to WareHouse, and god knows where the others went! But we all got home safe n sound! (So I was told, but by judging the state that some oif the ladies were in, I doubt I'd be able to get a truthful and fully memorable acount from any who were prsent!

Im not fully informed on everyone elses fun of the night, all I can say is that we're all fun loving party girls who drink like fish, and no matter where we go and what we do...we are loved and noticed!

Anyway, as we're all back at College, another evening of fun awaits. A lovely boyfreind of one of the moist lovely girls I've ever met (Joanna) is having his 18th, at yep, you've all guessed it, at the Irish Centre on Friday, and well attended it shall be too! Heard a rumour that some of the lads were wearing suits! Maybe we shoud do the fancy-frock thing? Then again, maybe NOT!!!

After writing this, I'm wondering if those jokes should have been left on this page- I'll find some more, girlie jokes, that we can all laugh at, and the lads can say 'That's crap', simply cos they're the ones being insulted!

I leave you now!