NICK “BITCH SLAPPER” BOWEN

 Age ; Not polite to ask

Weight ; Forever

Nicknames ; Bitch Slapper/ In the Groove

Style ; Yes Please

Drink ; Whiskey and lots of it!!

Record ; Played at home at was still standing

up at the end of the night.

High League Score ; Oh, about 6

Best League Checkout ; Oh, about 6

Coach ; No need - Got my Bike outside

Speciality ; Getting pissed and a damn fine Shouter

Mr Bowen is the entertainment section of the side. “In the Groove” is a disco king, and whiskey connoisseur (well, he drinks lots of it anyway). His league record was blighted until he suddenly realised he could beat a certain category of player, SHITE GIRLS!! Ever since he has specialised in kicking their ass, and wiping their noses in it. Oh and by the way, believe it or not he’s wearing the very latest fashion in Ski Outfits, as modelled in Andorra 2002, no really!

RECORD

Singles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

5 2 3 10 424 40

Doubles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

4 3 1 87 99 75

JEN “MERYL/BERYL/CHERYL...OH WHO CARES SHE'S AN 'F' CUP FOR CHRIST SAKE” BRINTON

 Age ; Would never dream of asking

Weight ; I’m not asking, I like my

kneecaps where they are.

Nicknames ; Jen

Style ; Cute

Drink ; Whatever Waz leaves behind

Record ; Wannabe, Spice Girls

High League Score ; Absolutely no idea

High League Checkout ; 84

Coach ; Waz

Speciality ; Looking lovely

A founder member of the Lansdowne Angels, Jen has grown in confidence, and now thrives on kicking their asses. MAKE THEM PAY!!! Very rarely in the same country for more than 72 hours. Truly an International Woman Of Mystery.

RECORD

Singles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

5  2  3              15                     362               40

Doubles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

6  1  5               0                       207              17

STUART “I MIGHT TURN UP THIS WEEK” BROWN

Age ; Who cares, supports the shit

Weight ; Who cares, supports the shit

Nicknames ; Shit supporter

Style ; Doesn’t possess one, like the shit

Drink ; Won’t buy him one ‘cos he supports

the shit

Record ; Not as good as The Wolves

High League Score ; 3 (same as the number of points

as the shit will get next season)

Best League Checkout ; 1 (same as the number of seasons

The shit will stay in the Premier

League next season)

Coach ; The Lord Our God, Stevie Bull

Speciality ; Watching shit.

You won’t be surprised to hear that Stu is a Baggies fan, and since I’m an Old Gold man and the only one to have access to this site, I’m going to love taking the piss out of him on this site for the whole of next season. Already has lost £10 by believing that the shit will survive past Christmas. More chance of Elvis coming back to earth on a UFO, and proclaiming that he was in fact the Messiah.

RECORD

Singles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

2 2 0 182 0 100

Doubles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

2 0 2 0 66 0

ANDY “HILLBILLY” COOPER (photo to follow)

PLAYER MANAGER

AGE ; 32

WEIGHT ; LOTS

NICKNAMES ; COOPS / BUDDHA

STYLE ; WHAT?

DRINK ; STRONG CIDER / TURPS

RECORD ; NEVER MADE ONE

HIGHEST LEAGUE SCORE ; 121

HIGHEST LEAGUE CHECKOUT ; 50

COACH ; DOESN’T NEED ONE

SPECIALITY ; NOT LOSING TO GIRLS

The “David Beckham” of the team. When called upon he has played a captains leg, and never let us down. BUT annoys the hell out of everyone by continually pointing out that he has never lost to a girl. YOU’RE TIME WILL COME !

League Record ; (as at 19^th June 2002)

Singles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

8 5 3 483 178 63%

Doubles

P W L POINTS FOR POINTS AGAINST %

5 3 2 86 388 60%

ANDY “FREDDY” DOWNIE

AGE ; NO IDEA BUT TOO SCARED TO

ASK AS HE’S MENTAL

WEIGHT ; ASK THE DART BOARD HE

HE PULLED OFF THE WALL

LAST WEEK

NICKNAME ; FREDDY / PSYCHO

STYLE ; FLOATER WITH A “I’M AIMING

AT THE BOARD HONEST” FEEL

COACH ; PARTICK THISTLE?????

DRINK ; ANYTHING ALCOHOLIC

RECORD ; TURNED UP LAST WEEK RAT

ARSED

HIGH LEAGUE FINISH ; YES HE HAS FINISHED ONCE

SPECIALITY ; GETTING REALLY PISSED AND

KEEPING EVERYONE

GUESSING WHAT COLOUR

HIS HAIR WILL BE NEXT WEEK